Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize