P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize