I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
