brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
