I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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