So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Congratulations! We have a period
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