She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
