I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have aggressive nipples.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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