I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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