I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
only you would photoshop your dick
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
