so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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