Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize