Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
