Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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