how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize