So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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