I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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