so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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