we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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