We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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