Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
