last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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