I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
