I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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