you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize