We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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