Yo dont text me then not text me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
