She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
