I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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