So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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