so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
