i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
