You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize