there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
