you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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