If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
