He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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