Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
