If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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