I wanna bring you to show and tell
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize