I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
