It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
