hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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