Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
