Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Jerry, you need to find god
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
