Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
