FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
