Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
