trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
