i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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