How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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