Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
