closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
