Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
