four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
