so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
