At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
