Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
