I think my fart just growled at me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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