whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No subtext here. People are naked.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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