No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
